9 Real-Life Dating Disasters That Will Make You Cringe

She let me buy her dinner and drinks before making me drive her home so she could fuck some other guy 

Went on a date once with a girl who ordered enough food at the restaurant I took her to load up a nice size take-home box, then got some nice drinks on my dime at the bar. About midnight she informs me that she needs me to get her home because she’s got a date with the guy she’s fucking that night.

Worst breath ever 

This happened about a year back, when Tinder was all the rage at the place where I live.

So I went out on a date with this cute girl, we decide to meet for coffee and everything went by amazingly, she was funny & charming. A few hours went by while we talked. Everything seemed to be going pretty smoothly. Then we decide to go for a ride after the coffee, since it was bit chilly had to roll up the car windows.

A few minutes into the car, the two of us are talking, she’s raving on about one of her friends. And, then this weird smell starts filling up the car (it was somewhat similar to the concoction used to create the powerpuff girls but instead of ‘sugar, spice and everything nice’ this was “rotten fish and anything that died”).

I soon realized that her mouth is the source of that godawful smell. Now, I just couldn’t tell her that she smelled, so I opened the windows. It was extremely chilly (a fresh chilly breeze came in and took some of the smell away), but she got me to roll ’em back up.

Then again after a few minutes the smell of her breath took over the car like a mist that just fuckin’ covers everything and devours anything that comes in its way. (If I had to give her breath a color it’d be one of those dark green ones that they show in low budget horror movies.) I have a dog, and my dog’s breath would be the smell of a magnolia tree compared to hers !

So then I offer her cigarette, (by offering I mean, I practically begged her to smoke in the car, which in hindsight was a bad idea, cause now, I was in a car filled with smoke and bad breath).

Also, now her blabbering, which I had found cute until a few minutes ago at the cafe was a source of grief. Cause every time she’d open her mouth to talk or laugh, all I could visualize was more of that heinous smell escaping out of that Mountain of Doom mouth of hers and filling the space between us.

So after 20 odd minutes, I decide I can’t take it anymore, and ask her where she wants me to drop her off. She gives me the directions and we end up in a secluded parking spot. I knew what was gonna happen next, and the thought of kissing her just made me puke in my own mouth. A part of me was just screaming “Fuck”, “Fuck”, “Fuck”, and thinking, please god save me from this, I’ll be a better human being from now on.

So, she leans in to kiss, I just put my elbow on the car horn while leaning in, there was a loud “honk,” she got a bit startled, the parking lot attendant started walking towards the car. This was my chance to get out, I told her goodbye and just got my ass out of there as soon as I could.

Tldr; Date’s breath smelled like an open sewer pipe.

She had a machete in her purse

About 20 minutes into the date she pulled a 15-inch machete out of her handbag, declaring with a friendly smile that she had brought it along in case I was a psycho, but she was really happyI wasn’t.

Her husband – just died twould days ago 

I went on a date with a gal who was so beautiful that I felt she was out of my league. She was also very friendly and warm and funny. Except, through dinner she wouldn’t let me ask her any questions. She just wanted to talk about me. It was sweet at first but then it just got strange. Finally I refused to answer another until she told me something about herself. She stared at me for a long time and finally said, “OK. My husband…Died…Two days ago.” I was so surprised that I had an anxiety attack. The date was over for a number of reasons.

She just got out of prison for manslaughter

Met a girl and we decide to go to brunch. She was really weird about not drinking a single drop if she was driving. But if I drove, she’d love to get bottomless mimosas. Figuring that might get me laid, I didn’t notice the red flag. About 15 minutes after we sat down, she proceeds to tell me how she just got out of prison for manslaughter involving a DUI. That kind of killed the mood.

He was out of prison for murder 

We met online. He seemed like a nice guy, good job, great conversation, lots in common. Then, just as dessert arrives, he breaks out the old “so, I should probably tell you something. I’ve been to prison. For murder.”

Full credit to him for being upfront. He gave me the details so I could go and check it out online, etc. He seemed pretty genuine about everything, his story matched up, etc. After some thought, decided maybe friendship and see what would happen. Then he just sort of vanished one day. A few weeks later I saw him wanted for skipping bail on the national TV program for wanted people.

He told me I was walking “like a dog that someone had put socks on

I had recently gone through a pretty horrible breakup and was filling my time with lectures and gallery openings. I ended up going to what I thought was a networking conversation but ended up being some kind of date thing.

I had a presentation at work that day so was fairly dressed up but my usual look was toned down. The first thing this guy said was, “You’re wearing less eyeliner than last time I saw you. Good.” I was too awkward to leave right then and there, so we started walking to dinner. He then informed me that “I shouldn’t have worn heels” for him because I was walking “like a dog that someone had put socks on.

He lived with his mom while he was  “gathering his thoughts “

I agreed to go out on a date with a somewhat older guy (I was 18 he was 24). I thought, older guy, what could go wrong? Well, I should have known from the moment he asked me to meet him at his house. I get there, and he introduces me to his mother, and says he lives with her while he is “gathering his thoughts.” He casually mentions that he is broke, out of gas, and lost his job a year ago. So his idea of a date was borrowing his mother’s car, stealing her Krispy Kreme coupons for free donuts, and then walking around a sketchy park. Kept hinting I should pay for the gas for the trip to Krispy Kreme. And then he invited me to his basement to watch TV. I faked that I had to go home to study for an exam and sped out of his neighborhood. He kept bugging me for weeks afterwards, calling me a selfish bitch, and messaging my friends telling them that they were as well. Like, what the fuck?

He expected a blowjob because he bought me dinner and took me to a movie 

I went out for dinner and a movie with a guy. At both places, I offered to pay multiple times and he insisted that he get it. At the end of the night we’re sitting in the parking lot in his car, he pulls his dick out and asks for a BJ, saying “I mean, I bought you dinner and took you to a movie, it’s the least you can do.”


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